- We all lie from time to time, but there are some people who make a habit of it—these are compulsive liars, and they can cause serious harm to themselves as well as the people around them.
- If you’re a compulsive or pathological liar, the good news is that you can work to change this bad habit; the first step is to recognize that you have a problem
- The following might signify that you have a compulsive lying problem: you lie continuously, you have an internal motivation for lying, and your lies paint you in a positive light.
- A mental health professional can help you understand why you lie compulsively as well as work on changing this bad habit.
- While lying is a bad habit to engage in, it can make for entertaining television—shows like Pretty Little Liars and Big Little Lies gained dedicated followings.
When I was a teenager, absurd stories swept through the halls about a girl at another school—let’s call her Allison—who was notorious for lying. I shook off most of the stories as dumb rumors that some bored kid probably made up, until one outrageous story was verified by a county-wide lockdown. It was just another dull day in math class when an unpleasant alarm began to echo throughout the building. The principal came on the loud speaker, recited a code, and we were all kept inside for the rest of the day.
We were all confused about what happened and didn’t find out until a couples days later: a man reportedly snuck into the other middle school in our county and threatened a female student. Police infiltrated the school and stood guard at ours, as they searched for the culprit. After hours of being on lockdown, Allison—the notorious compulsive liar—admitted to fabricating the entire story.
As you can see, compulsive (or habitual) lying can have serious implications on others. But the thing is, as with most habits, it’s hard to break this cycle once you enter it. That said, nothing’s impossible—and the first step in breaking a bad habit is recognizing that there’s a need for change. So, let’s start by learning the signs of compulsive lying.
4 Signs You Are a Compulsive Liar
We all lie or stretch the truth from time to time but compulsive lying is a different story, as it is classified as a mental disorder. Additionally, it can signify another disorder or condition like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. The following are a few signs you’re engaging in compulsive lying:
1. The lies are believable and may even be partly true. For example, an individual may say that they’re deathly ill when really they just have a cold.
2. The lies continue over a long period of time and are not due to an immediate stressor. A person who consistently lies about their weight or age due to insecurities would not be described as a compulsive liar.
3. The lies have an internal motivation. For example, Allison made up the big lie about being threatened at school in order to fulfill an inner desire for attention.
4. The lies typically present the individual in a positive light. Usually compulsive liars will lie in order to make themselves look better.
Treatment for Compulsive Lying
After the lockdown incident, Allison was forced to meet with a school counselor once a week. And it proved effective, as she learned to break her compulsive lying habit. In fact, meeting with a mental health professional consistently proves to help compulsive liars. That said, it can’t be effective if the individual doesn’t first realize and acknowledge that they have a problem.
Additionally, treatment can be difficult if the person carries their compulsive lying habits into the office and lies to their counselor or therapist. So, if you’re someone who battles the urge to lie, allow yourself to completely open up in order to successfully defeat it.
Lying: Bad for Reality, Great for Television
Some pretty great TV shows have plotlines centered around a lie or a heap of lies and mystery. These include shows like the ABC Family hit Pretty Little Liars and HBO miniseries Big Little Lies. In each of these series, the main characters are tangled up in lies that ultimately bring them closer together, while isolating them from others. They are constantly lying to cover their tracks and keep their secrets hidden from the world.
But are these characters compulsive liars? Nope—remember, compulsive liars are not individuals lying due to immediate stressors. Aria, Hannah Spencer, and Emily in Pretty Little Liars are only lying in order to protect themselves as well as their loved ones from possible danger. And the women in Big Little Lies—Celeste, Renata, Bonnie, Madeline, and Jane—decide to lie in order to protect Bonnie and bury their troubling pasts. Therefore, they aren’t compulsive liars, but rather women caught in sticky situations that make for some pretty entertaining television.
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Taylor Bennett
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I think I’m a pathological liar. Lies are so easy for me. They just roll off my tongue like nothing. The first time I realized how easy it was for me to lie was when I was having a semi-risque conversation with some classmates during Spanish class. My friend and I are talking about how we both like a more vrough sexual experience, and she says, “But my boyfriend gives me excellent after-treatment.”
At the time, I didn’t know after a rough experience you were supposed to be given extra care. For some reason, I don’t know if I was embarrassed, or just wanted attention, but I said, “I didn’t know you needed after care because my cousin never did that to me when he abused me.”
I’m so disgusting. How could I lie about something like that? The scary part is that it’s grounded in a semi-truth. A few years ago, I met a cousin I never even knew I had. I would rock on this chair, and he sat behind me so I could rock onto him in an obviously sexual. At the time I was about 7, so I didn’t even know it was sexual or bad. But still, I made a story about it years later to make me look like a victim. I even started crying. I made myself cry. How could I be so heartless?
Then about a year later I met these people online, and just a slew of lies came out.
Lie: I was sexually assaulted by a teacher = Truth: I had a few creepy teachers before.
Lie: My dad hates me because of my sexuality = Truth: My dad disagrees with my sexuality and gender identification, but he still loves me despite that.
I don’t know why I feel the need to lie, or why the lies are just so easy to tell. They come out like second nature, it’s disturbing. I want to open up to a therapist about all this, but I’ll definitely be judged and shunned. Honestly, I should be. I’m such a terrible person. The only thing I’ve ever told my friends that isn’t a lie is how much I truly wish I was dead. A liar like me shouldn’t exist. Someone like me who is willing to do anything for attention shouldn’t exist. I hate myself more than anything.
I am only thirteen and believe myself to be a compulsive liar. I’ve started lying for literally no reason. In ways that don’t make me look better or help me at all. I guess therapy would be good, but I really don’t know how to bring it up with my parents. ‘Hey, mum! I’m a compulsive liar and you have no reason to trust anything I’ve said over the past five years! I think I need therapy!’ probably won’t go down well. Advice?
I lied about dating this one guy when I was in middle school to a friend who didn’t go to my school. I completely covered it up when I was confronted by my school friends saying that it was actually another guy they didn’t know. Even though I had a crush on the guy at the time and had admitted it to them, they still believed me. I don’t know why I lied about it. In the years following, I continued to lie about partying and the number of relationships I was in. I really do not understand why I would do that and I’ve been working really hard to stop. I’m just scared that if my friends ever found out they would hate me even though I’ve been working really hard to change. I’ve always struggled with shoving myself into being the center of attention. I know it’s obnoxious and right after I interrupt someone or start talking about myself I usually either recognize what I’m doing and shut up or realize it later at home. I’m a really insecure and sensitive person and that is my best guess for why I lie so much.