- We all lie from time to time, but there are some people who make a habit of it—these are compulsive liars, and they can cause serious harm to themselves as well as the people around them.
- If you’re a compulsive or pathological liar, the good news is that you can work to change this bad habit; the first step is to recognize that you have a problem
- The following might signify that you have a compulsive lying problem: you lie continuously, you have an internal motivation for lying, and your lies paint you in a positive light.
- A mental health professional can help you understand why you lie compulsively as well as work on changing this bad habit.
- While lying is a bad habit to engage in, it can make for entertaining television—shows like Pretty Little Liars and Big Little Lies gained dedicated followings.
When I was a teenager, absurd stories swept through the halls about a girl at another school—let’s call her Allison—who was notorious for lying. I shook off most of the stories as dumb rumors that some bored kid probably made up, until one outrageous story was verified by a county-wide lockdown. It was just another dull day in math class when an unpleasant alarm began to echo throughout the building. The principal came on the loud speaker, recited a code, and we were all kept inside for the rest of the day.
We were all confused about what happened and didn’t find out until a couples days later: a man reportedly snuck into the other middle school in our county and threatened a female student. Police infiltrated the school and stood guard at ours, as they searched for the culprit. After hours of being on lockdown, Allison—the notorious compulsive liar—admitted to fabricating the entire story.
As you can see, compulsive (or habitual) lying can have serious implications on others. But the thing is, as with most habits, it’s hard to break this cycle once you enter it. That said, nothing’s impossible—and the first step in breaking a bad habit is recognizing that there’s a need for change. So, let’s start by learning the signs of compulsive lying.
4 Signs You Are a Compulsive Liar
We all lie or stretch the truth from time to time but compulsive lying is a different story, as it is classified as a mental disorder. Additionally, it can signify another disorder or condition like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. The following are a few signs you’re engaging in compulsive lying:
1. The lies are believable and may even be partly true. For example, an individual may say that they’re deathly ill when really they just have a cold.
2. The lies continue over a long period of time and are not due to an immediate stressor. A person who consistently lies about their weight or age due to insecurities would not be described as a compulsive liar.
3. The lies have an internal motivation. For example, Allison made up the big lie about being threatened at school in order to fulfill an inner desire for attention.
4. The lies typically present the individual in a positive light. Usually compulsive liars will lie in order to make themselves look better.
Treatment for Compulsive Lying
After the lockdown incident, Allison was forced to meet with a school counselor once a week. And it proved effective, as she learned to break her compulsive lying habit. In fact, meeting with a mental health professional consistently proves to help compulsive liars. That said, it can’t be effective if the individual doesn’t first realize and acknowledge that they have a problem.
Additionally, treatment can be difficult if the person carries their compulsive lying habits into the office and lies to their counselor or therapist. So, if you’re someone who battles the urge to lie, allow yourself to completely open up in order to successfully defeat it.
Lying: Bad for Reality, Great for Television
Some pretty great TV shows have plotlines centered around a lie or a heap of lies and mystery. These include shows like the ABC Family hit Pretty Little Liars and HBO miniseries Big Little Lies. In each of these series, the main characters are tangled up in lies that ultimately bring them closer together, while isolating them from others. They are constantly lying to cover their tracks and keep their secrets hidden from the world.
But are these characters compulsive liars? Nope—remember, compulsive liars are not individuals lying due to immediate stressors. Aria, Hannah Spencer, and Emily in Pretty Little Liars are only lying in order to protect themselves as well as their loved ones from possible danger. And the women in Big Little Lies—Celeste, Renata, Bonnie, Madeline, and Jane—decide to lie in order to protect Bonnie and bury their troubling pasts. Therefore, they aren’t compulsive liars, but rather women caught in sticky situations that make for some pretty entertaining television.
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I have lied to my friends, close friends even, that I am part (insert race). I’m not even full white. I have an interesting ethnic background already I guess, but I felt that I was too boring for people to talk to me. Also, I have kept lying to people (even friends) that I am in a higher math level than I actually am in (because they are all in a more advanced level). I didn’t want to seem dumb so I kept lying about it, and they’re really smart, which makes me feel insecure because I’m in a lower math lane than them (plus they’re taking honors science and I’m not). They catch me on and off but I always have an excuse, like, “oh, I just switch out a lot” or “my schedule is wrong”. Problem is, is that my closest friends know my actual math level, and my good, not as close friends think I’m in the higher one, and all of us hang out a lot at school. I’m screwed and it’s bound to happen. So later I feel really, really bad for keeping a secret and my friend asks me about the math test “Omg (my name) how was the test! You’re in my math lane, right?” and I’m like “Uh…no I’m not I’m in (insert lower math lane).” I mostly say this because the girl who I’m closer to knows my real level, and I didn’t want to just lie in front of her. Of course, the rest of the girls (we’re 4 atm) are surprised and are like “wait what? You dropped or something? I thought you were in (higher math lane*)” (etc, etc) Inside my head, I’m devastated and breaking down, because I feel as though maybe they think I’m really dumb now or not worthy. On the outside, I play it cool as I give my friend a fake explanation of me suddenly switching down recently. I feel terrible. Sounds silly but I hang out with a really, really smart group of girls academically, so sometimes I feel really insecure about my academic success and “smartness”. Now I’m questioning how one of the girls thinks of me because she is one of them who is very rigorous and seems to care most about math lanes and most judging of that. So even though we’ve been talking and stuff as usual and she isn’t acting any different, I feel like maybe on the inside she judges me and thinks less of me. I sound pathetic, yikes.
– Advice, please? Anything helps, thanks. –
AA
I lied to my friends at school telling them my dad was dead because it was better than living with the truth of what he does to me. I then went on to lie and say I had cancer because I wanted to feel that people cared for me. Does this make me a pathological liar? Or am I in need of mental help? Please help me.
It seems I have exactly the same problem.
I say my father lived a long way away from my current home because I disliked him so much. I also lied that I had skin cancer a couple of years ago to friends and even teachers at some point. Probably because I needed to lie rather than care though. Although care was also a massive +.
I’d say we’re both in the same situation here. I’d classify myself as a pathological liar, but at the same time I’ve lied more than this previously. How good are you at making them sound credible? I don’t think we need mental help for this. If you really want to be more truthful, then try finding one person in your life to whom you’ll only tell the truth. Not only that, but you’ll tell them that you lied to everybody else. Make sure they’re trustworthy and won’t disclose your lies without your consent. It’ll take a lot of guts, trust me. So. much. guts.
When you do do this though, you might find it easier to tell the truth to other people. You might not though, because if you’re a good enough liar then you’ll be able to see reasons for and against lying. If you don’t, however, you’ll have one person who knows the whole truth, and it’ll feel good.
Bit of personal advice – if you’re going to do this, tell it to a really good friend. Not a partner or teacher or parent. Preferably somebody who would never tell anyone, even if you guys have a fight. Also maybe someone who’s secrets you also know, so that you have their back to stab just in case (the previous comment might sound horrible, but it’s mainly that they’re less likely to tell everybody that you’re lying rather than that you’ll get your revenge… In fact, I’d suggest never getting your revenge if at any point they tell someone – shows who’s a decent person and who isn’t). Most importantly: don’t lie to them, and if you do pluck up the courage to say so. It’s absolutely crucial that you get this right. (also make sure it’s someone you actually know, not a person on the Internet, like me)
Anyway, I hope this reply helps. I don’t think this is usual behavior. I mean do you see people telling such things this often? It’s not common, but you’re not alone. I’m not sure I’ll be the best help you can get since I’m a pathological liar myself and also find it kinda cool, but I’ll try best I can and I’m here if you need me. After all, we’re in the same situation.
To be honest with you I’m also very excited that I’m not on my own out there. And the fact that our stories are so similar is pretty damn amazing.
Final note – I really hope that’s not your real name. That could be destructive (very) later.
Best of luck.
I think i’m going through something similar.
It’s good that we’ve recognized it though.
I’m wondering where you’re at right now. Whether you’ve overcome this or something else has happened. If you dont mind, could you tell me whats up?