- Losing a loved one is always difficult, but there is a more severe form of grief—called complicated grief—which makes it hard for an individual to ever move forward with life.
- Complicated grief is marked by debilitating feelings that don’t resolve or improve with time; instead, they can haunt an individual and even worsen with time.
- Additionally, in the instance of complicated grief, an individual can suffer from further issues, such as memory complications.
- A study from Harvard University found that people who suffer with this long-term grief often have trouble recalling past memories that don’t involve their lost partner.
- This is a testament to just how tragic and traumatic the loss of a loved one can be.
If you’ve lost a loved one, you know just how difficult it can be… to accept the loss, to understand the loss, and to move forward in life without your person. It often takes some time to find peace again, as you must first go through the grieving process. While grief looks different for everybody, oftentimes, a healthy process involves confronting difficult emotions like anger and despair, talking openly about your loss to a trusted individual (loved one or grief counselor), and ultimately deciding that you can—and will—move forward with your life.
That being said, sometimes grief is… complicated. Stubborn. Amplified. Overwhelming. With normal grief and bereavement, those feelings of anger, despair, guilt, and denial resolve. But with complicated grief, these debilitating feelings don’t resolve or improve with time. The loss, and the painful feelings that accompany it, can haunt a person and make it extremely difficult—even impossible—to return to everyday life. In fact, instead of improving with time, these effects can worsen. And further issues may arise: such as those with memory, which were recently explored at Harvard University.
Two psychological scientists, Donald Robinaugh and Richard McNally, wanted to know more about how long-term grief might debilitate an individual. More specifically, they sought to better understand how one’s memory may become skewed in the midst of complicated bereavement. Additionally, they sought to find out whether one’s imagination is impacted by complicated grief—being that the same part of the brain controls both the recollection of real events and imaginary visions of the future.
To put their theories to the test, the two scientists observed several individuals who lost their partner within one to three years ago—some of whom were struggling with complicated grief, and others who were passing through the normal stages of grief. These study participants partook in a few tests designed to evaluate their autobiographical memory and their imagination of the future: they were asked about certain memories—some involving their lost loved one and others that did not—as well as hopes or thoughts about future events, both good and bad.
Robinaugh and McNally were impressed by the participants as they recalled detailed memories of the past in addition to thorough visions of the future. But they were even more interested to observe the final results: the memory and imagination of those suffering from complicated grief were clearly impacted, as compared with those who were experiencing normal grief. More specifically, these individuals failed to recall specific happenings of the past and imagine future scenarios… when their loved one was not involved. If, on the other hand, they were asked to recall past memories or create future visions with their partner, they had no issue doing so.
Susan Youngsteadt—Family Center Treatment Therapist and Family Coach and Intake Supervisor—explains this profound impact of grief on memory. “If someone has lost a loved one, memories about that loved one or emotions surrounding the loved one, can consume one’s thoughts, impacting the ability for someone to take in new information,” she says. “Grief is also draining on the human body. When an individual is grieving and mourning, a lot of energy is being used towards these feelings and emotions, leaving limited energy for taking in new information or remembering items unrelated to the grief.”
The scientists believe that their findings (which are published in the journal of Clinical Psychological Science) shed a light on just how truly tragic it can be to lose a loved one—specifically one’s life partner. Furthermore, Robinaugh and McNally think that the profound difficulty these individuals had envisioning the future without their partner demonstrates that hopelessness and severe identity struggle characteristic of complicated grief.
Sources:
We’re Only Human. (2013, January 11). “Mourning and Memory: A Paradoxical Grief.” Clinical Psychological Science. Retrieved August 30 2018 from https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/were-only-human/mourning-and-memory-a-paradoxical-grief.html
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I too, had a memory loss about 5 days after my husband passed. My daughters say I suddenly said I couldn’t remember Daddy. They were so concerned I might be having a stroke, they call 911. They took me to the hospital for a work up, and they said I was talking and following instructions. But it wasn’t until I was about to be released that I “woke up” and became aware. I don’t remember anything about the paramedics coming or going to the hospital. I was told it was caused by grief.
It can absolutely cost near my loss. I have a nephew who lost his mother at the age of 10. Now he is 21 and realizes that he can’t remember large chunks from the age of 10 to 18.
Please can you give me an answer.
I lost my husband last year to a terminal illness. Idiopathic lung disease. We were told that he had 18 months to 2 years.
I was his carer which I was happy with helping him in his every day needs.
He was in and out of a hospice. I didn’t want him to be in one but he said that he wanted to as he felt safer there.
His family all agreed. It was during the winter and most of the time he was there it was snowing or bad weather so I left around 6.30pm most evenings. I was there from 8ish in the mornings.
The day my husband died in the hospice was the only morning I didn’t call my daughter before leaving home to go. I arrived and sadly my husband passed away within a couple of hours but the staff never told me that this may happen at this time. I would have contacted the family had I been told he didn’t have long.
The main thing I need to know is apparently I said things that his family and my daughter found inappropriate
and acted as if I was glad he had passed. I at no time said that I was glad that he had passed away but there are things that that said I did that I cannot remember. Can memory loss happen during grief ?
Not one of the family have spoken to me since the funeral and my daughter is very close to them and she thinks I am responsible for not letting her know in time so she could be with her dad. When my husband died I sent my daughter a text message saying her dad had gone. She is a teacher and cannot answer call during lesson. After thought I know that I should have called or left message for her to contact me.
Please can you let me know if my not remembering things is possible as I have been told by family that is not an excuse and there is no reconciliation because of my actions.
We have been together since 1969 was 50 years together this year and married for 44 years