A Journey to Mindfulness

Starve Ego, Feed the Soul Challenge

Day 21: Fessing up to Being Flaky

I’m typically a very dependable person. But unfortunately, not so much today when it came to paying at the end of my hair appointment!

It slipped my mind that the hair stylist only takes checks or cash. I didn’t have a check or enough cash. I left the salon on a mission to find the closest Bank of America ATM.

… and took a slight detour at my favorite little Fort Worth clothing boutique. Then I started having a phone conversation with my best friend who’s living in Moscow about her upcoming visit. And before you know it I’m home … and nowhere near the salon.

Upon remembering I was supposed to have dropped off the money I called and promised I’d drop it off the next day … and forgot again! So I hereby dedicate this Starve the Ego moment to apologizing profusely and vowing to go by the salontomorrow with an additional $30 in addition to my already-generous tip.

Day 22: Running Instead of Sleeping

The day is still young, but one of today’s Starve the ego moments is my decision to roll out of my nice, comfy bed to go running.

Now this might not be that big of a deal for some people. But I am so NOT a morning person! So believe it or not, getting out of bed truly feels like a challenge for me. I’m admittedly that person who will hit snooze on her alarm repeatedly until the time when I absolutely MUST get up to avoid being late.

Having a workout buddy definitely helps keep me in line. This morning I had plans to run with my friend, Jennifer, so that gave me the motivation to get up even if I wanted to hit snooze … like several times. Actually almost did press the button on my alarm to snooze first thing this morning but then remembered my plans to run with Jennifer.

Running was good for my soul this morning not just for the fact that it’s healthy or that it kept me from being lazy. It also was good for my soul for what I see as the most important reason: Spending quality time with one of my oldest and dearest friends. That is exactly what we are intended to do in this life. We busy it up & stress ourselves out by devoting our time with less meaningful things.

Although it’s for some reason difficult in our given time and society, I’m trying to be sure to keep that in mind!

P.S. Yes, the picture is actually the T-shirt I wore this morning — Jen took it while I was standing in the front yard before our run. I decided not to show my face since I’d only been awake about 5 minutes.

Day 23: Saying Thank You to a Deserving Teacher

This year a former high school teacher of mine will be retiring from decades of teaching. Another of his former students is putting together a collection of stories, best wishes, and thank-you’s from many of his students from over the years to present to Mr. Sikes as a surprise. (Don’t worry — I’m waiting until AFTER his last day to submit this to the blog to be published!)

This man was not your typical small town history teacher. First of all, he knew his historical facts inside and out! I also remember while other teachers were giving us simple multiple choice exams he would challenge us to do things like memorize word-for-word the Preamble to the Constitution for his exams, for example.

On the surface he seemed a little gruff … ok maybe even harsh and grumpy. He was pretty loud and as a student I did NOT want him mad and raising his voice in my direction, so I was uuuusually on my best behavior. I loved that he didn’t mind my critical thinking like some other teachers did—in fact, he encouraged us to look at things deeply, to form an opinion, to ask “why” and he didn’t even mind a debate or two on a topic.

He helped inspire my interest in government…and he pointed out some things that were NOT going in a great direction, yet still managed to balance that with pointing out the amazing and good things about our country and government. And guess which of his students ended up working in Washington, D.C., in the Pentagon and also with the FBI as a contractor? This one. He helped plant that seed in my head that jobs like that were interesting and possible.

Probably the main thing that made him my favorite teacher was that he inspired his students to travel, to see the world, and to think big. In a small town this is NOT always emphasized and is not a common thing to see in people. I think I’d only known maybe 3 people in my hometown who’d ever traveled outside of the United States and Mexico back when I was in high school. And while I always dreamed of traveling the world, I’m not sure at that time I’d have thought it was such a realistic thing had it not been for Mr. Sikes.

He would go on international trips during his summer vacations and would share pictures and souvenirs with us. And guess what? I did the same thing once I was a public school teacher years later! I only taught 3 years while earning my master’s degree, but I made sure that my students had a role model when it came to world travel and I literally booked a couple trips and projected my computer images up on the big screen so they could be a part of it, see how much it cost and that it’s possible, and I’d return with pictures and souvenirs to show them.

So I mentioned much of this in my letter to Mr. Sikes that will be included in his collection from students. Teachers like Mr. Sikes can have a tremendous impact on the development of a young mind. And often we don’t think to thank them or point out how much of a great influence they’ve been — it’s almost like we assume they know. But I think it’s definitely nice to take a moment to point this out, so they know without a doubt their time was well spent.

Here’s a link to an article about Mr. Sikes.

Thank you for everything, Mr. Sikes!

Day 24: Donation to Muscular Dystrophy

One of today’s Feed the Ego moments came en route to my Memorial Day destination, Possum Kingdom Lake. Passing through Mineral Wells there were orange traffic cones set out around a traffic intersection.

Local firemen and volunteers were collecting money for muscular dystrophy from people as they stopped at the light. I glady rolled down my window to give a few bucks.

Giving with a grateful heart and especially in a way that might benefit others is a great way to starve our egos and feed our souls.

Giving of things other than money is sometimes so much better! What other types of things can we give of ourselves to others?

Day 25: Getting Back up on the Horse

Today’s Feed the Soul moment came with my choice to get back up on the horse … or in this case Specialized Transition bike and the love of living life in general.

After taking a nasty bike crash Thursday, I decided not to let the fear & pain keep me from getting back into the game. The crash occurred on my first ride on my new Triathlon bike. If you’ve never ridden one, then let me take a moment to explain that the aerodynamic handlebars and petitioning takes some getting used to.

And I realized pretty quickly that I wasn’t used to it enough that I should’ve taken that sharp of a turn at that high of a speed after a downhill! Tachipsychia kicked in at the start of the crash & my thoughts included, “What’s the best way to fall?” & “What will hurt the bike the least?” & I thought to keep my body in a tight position close to the bike on the fall, targeted a patch of grass up ahead on the right, and trued to take the entire impact on the side of my thigh.

Amazing what our brains are capable of in traumatic moments! I managed to fall the way I wanted. Unfortunately I had to hit the pavement before the grass…and did so very hard. I hit the grass after the pavement part and I just stayed there, lying very still, trying to figure out if I was still alive & where I hurt the most.

I was pretty banged up & in a lot of pain. My friend I was riding with rushed up and, true to form, I was told my first words were, “How’s the bike?”

I still haven’t gone for Xrays although I think I will today. I think I likely have fractured the ulna in my arm & possibly my femur in my leg as well. Both look pretty nasty & hurt noticeably.

But I love riding the bike, feeling the speed, being outdoors…so why stop now just because I crashed and burned once? I’ve learned a lesson or two in how to NOT take a turn. So I’ll remember that and hopefully not make the same mistakes again on my next ride. Sounds like good perspective on life in general too.

Day 26: Remembering positivity

Today is Memorial Day and so as a Veteran there are several things that usually happen on this day that, well, tend to annoy me a little.

Such as people using the day not for its true original purpose but for their own selfish purposes.

Such as seeing this just as a day off work … or to eat Barbecue … or to shop for materialistic things … or to get drunk. But I’m attempting to Starve my ego, Feed my Soul by not wasting time on my annoyance.

As usual, on this day I’m thinking of Veterans I have known who are no longer with us & also spending time throughout the day texting & Facebooking back & forth with my fellow Veterans who are still alive and kickin’. I honor & remember those I’ve known who have given their lives in service. But I also choose to not just focus on the negative aspects of military service such as death.

I also want to point out that it’s not always just “tragic” to some who have died in service…living life to the fullest … serving their country … flying planes … seeing the world … visiting foreign lands…making friends & doing great things the media will never acknowledge. We Veterans often talk of how we see “average” life & death as much more tragic & sad.

Memorial Day memories for me also consist of remembering things like good times, laughs, inside jokes, & great friendships experienced during military service. Focusing on the more numerous positive aspects of military service is a great way to keep feeding the soul with truth & positivity.

Day 27: Feeding the Body Too … in a Healthy Way

A healthy lifestyle can be a foundational element to true fulfillment for some, and diet is an element of that. We’ve always heard, “You are what you eat” right? Makes sense, I suppose.

If someone is eating just one meal a day or only eating sugar-y, chemical-y foods then that may affect mood, energy, etc.

For me, I have found this is definitely the case. I find that if I am eating unhealthy or not sleeping well or something like that, I feel off-balance in some way. Sure, this seems like common sense, especially since I have been medically diagnosed with low blood sugar via some testing that was really a drag to endure. Not getting to eat breakfast, then being tortured further by having to drink sugary syrup every so often followed by being stabbed in the arm with a needle to take blood. Not my favorite way to spend half a day.

But for me, it’s a little more than the obvious physical aspects of maintaining a healthy lifestyle that seem to affect me. I can’t feel as though I’m fully respecting myself—my soul—if I’m not respecting my body and health. Is this true for everyone? When I think of specific people I’ve known or I currently know, I do see a correlation of poor behavior and decisions and moods along with poor eating, sleeping, and drinking of alcohol.

Something that’s really made me feel better diet-wise is getting things off to a great start each day. Recently I’ve been doing this through making my morning smoothies. Healthy juice, organic milk, and berries. That’s all it takes. Super quick, super easy to put in the blender and then take the cup with me on-the-go. And since I’m not a morning person and am always in a rush out the door, this is a great option for me! I have even taken my blender and food with me to prepare in my hotel room when away from home—great, inexpensive option to room service, right?

Day 28: Seeking All Opportunities to Step Out into the Sunshine

Being a country girl at heart, I have found myself at times feeling a bit deprived when I’m in the city for too long. I recognize that I need to see open fields and flowers, smell flowers on a breeze, hear crickets at night…and hear quiet.

But how do I find that in a more urban environment?

There are ways, and they don’t have to be huge such as taking a drive for 30 minutes. Such as finding neat spots such as the roof of the downtown Fort Worth Omni hotel where there is a faux-field of flowers.

Cities are getting better about this—finding ways of bringing nature to the concrete. I love it!

But guess what I almost did? I looked out through the glass and saw the flowers and the sidewalks and almost didn’t take the time to find the doorway leading to them. My friend and I were on our way to go eat and I almost was content with looking out and not stopping for a moment of my day to actually step outside and enjoy it. I almost chose to just keep walking toward the elevator instead of out into the bit of surreal in the city. I almost didn’t do what would most adequately feed my soul in that moment.

But then I did. So worth it.

Day 29: Worthwhile and Meaningful Home Improvements

I’m currently in the beginning stages of sprucing up the house my grandmother left to my mom and me when she passed away last year. She and I had talked often of things we might do to renovate it and she always loved when I did little things here and there to redecorate or update something in the house. So before we even think of selling it, I feel there is work to be done. Not just because the house is a bit outdated, but because it’s worthwhile and meaningful to follow through on some of my ideas I had with my precious Nana.

So the painting begins. And sure, I could pay someone to do it. But part of me just likes good ol’ hard work. Nana pointed out something so wise to me not too long before she passed away. She suggested that so many “people my age” aren’t fulfilled and feel easily inconvenienced primarily due to having pretty easy lives and not enjoying accomplishments, even in the simple things day-to-day. She used examples such as cooking: She noted how in today’s society so many meals are store-bought, fast food, or from/at a restaurant—even special events are often catered.

She said that people are missing out on the simple-yet-important rewards of cooking their own meals—using their minds to measure and create and especially are missing out on the feeling of satisfaction of people loving the food they created.

She noted how most beautiful lawns are no longer actually kept by the people living in the house—and how ridiculous it is to have a “Yard of the Month” when the home owner simply paid someone else to create the beauty. She said she used to feel so proud when people complimented her yard and she loved being able to give people gardening tips and seeds and cuttings so they could create a beautiful garden of their own from her plants.

How true! What ARE people doing to receive little moments of pride and enjoyment day-to-day in today’s society…really?

So I’m taking my Nana’s advice and doing the cosmetic renovations in our home (it will always be “our” home—both my mother and I grew up in the house, so it feels odd to call it anything else) on my own. The painting of the walls will make the most visible difference. Right now about half the walls of the house are covered with the wood paneling that was so trendy in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. So I will be first priming the heck out of them before applying what I’m hoping will be the perfectly-selected color of gray. (A lot more difficult than one might think! I’ve put in hours and hours of research, lol.)

Completing the task of painting half a house will be very rewarding because it’s something Nana and I had talked about for years and it will be great to be able to sit back and look at them knowing she’d have loved to see the change. Knowing I’ve done the painting myself (and maybe even with the help of loved ones and a friend or two??) rather than simply paying someone else to do it I’m sure will be intrinsically rewarding as well as a tribute to my Nana and her wisdom.

Day 30: Wrapping up the First Month

To wrap things up, today will be the final Day 30 post. I’ll continue to challenge myself to focus more on things in life that will Feed My Soul rather than my ego in hopes of creating a more automatic way of thinking and making decisions. Especially since it usually takes more than 30 days to truly change a lesser-than-ideal habit, right?

I’ll be honest … this hasn’t been the easiest challenge to keep up with! In many ways, it was easy and beneficial to do, don’t get me wrong. I LOVED that I had the challenge to remind me to seek opportunities daily and to place at the forefront of my mind the priority of thinking of things a bit differently. But remembering to also take a picture to illustrate my example and remembering to write down a narrative from my notes later on in the day and then email them in…I wasn’t so great at that part! Trust me, I’ve guilted myself quite a bit over that.

But I think this is a good point—how many times in life might we allow things like set-backs or guilt stand between us and a goal? How about we just keep on trudging along, even if we find it’s been a week and we have a thought pop up seemingly out of nowhere such as “Oops! I totally forgot I told myself I was going to start exercising daily!”

It’s too easy to just feel disappointed for a moment and say, “Oh well, I messed up.” How about going home that day and going for a quick 10-minute jog around the block before showering and going to bed? The feeling of doing something great for ourselves—for our SOULS—is gratifying. Even if we forgot for a few days.

I think it’s also important to admit here that I did not always write and share all of the things I did each day, primarily things that dealt with interactions with people in my personal circles in order to protect both their privacy and mine. But I learned some valuable lessons in this area that I feel I need to share.

In an attempt to “Starve my ego” I found myself making a conscious effort to “let things slide” more than I typically would when people behaved in a way that was harsh or hurtful toward me. This could be a good thing, but I think since it was pretty new to me, I didn’t do the best job of maintaining healthy, appropriate personal boundaries. The result? Blurred lines that ultimately led to my loyalty, work ethic, forgiveness, or kindness being taken advantage of at times, I’m afraid. Setting and maintaining appropriate and healthy boundaries is something I have identified as a new area I need to work on. It’s not always bad or mean to turn down an invitation, to say no to a project or two or three, or to simply distance myself from a person who is dragging me down. Balance is important—I may have “starved my ego” by turning the other cheek, demonstrating love and forgiveness when I didn’t want to, and helping others despite being busy, but in some cases my actions did not necessarily feed my soul but starved it a bit as well. And that wasn’t the point of the challenge, was it?

Making decisions that first Feed the SOUL is something that I think has become increasingly difficult to do in our macro culture and society. Everything around us screams to feed the ego first.

So doing things in an opposite manner as I’ve been attempting to do seems foreign at times—even to the point of doing it incorrectly and counterproductively as I found myself doing. But practice makes perfect, right? I have made some great observations about what does and does not feed my soul—something I don’t think I was very aware of before this challenge began. I have some great ideas for the days ahead.

Perhaps the biggest change to my life will be getting back to doing what I’ve discovered through reflections has given me the most joy and fulfillment in my life: Devoting time and energy to volunteering, helping, and interacting with people who are going through difficult life situations such as disasters, sociopolitical strife, immigration, life transitions. I soon will be doing this through Catholic Charities in Fort Worth. And the cherry on top? My mom is going to be volunteering alongside me there as well. Great stuff to start better nourishing our souls.

Makes me think of watching children play in the water fountains on Sundance Square in Fort Worth—they squeal and run around and have so much fun doing something so simple. I sometimes see the adults scolding them or pulling them away from the water…and always refusing to join in of course. When does that pure enjoyment of life begin to dull to a paycheck and tv show routine? Well, that won’t be me. I’ve identified that I’m just not a routine, go-to-the-office-every-day type of person. I need to travel. I need challenges. I need to interact with people from cultures other than my own. I need to literally stop and smell the roses. I need to feel sunshine on my skin. I need to read. I need to think and ponder things in life. Just because we “grow up” doesn’t mean we have to lose our ability to have fun, feel free, and engage in life fully. I know I will never be fulfilled living my life for merely a paycheck and television programs. My soul is so much more than that—everyone’s is! We just need to seek opportunities.

Read Day 11-20

How do you feed your soul? Tell us in the comments section below.