Is it Harder Making Friends as an Adult?

Is it harder to find friends as an Adult? A new york times article suggests, it might be.

In lieu of making BFFs, after their college years, many individuals are settling for KOFs … that is, kind of friends.

Worse yet, for many persons, once they leave the dorm, friends with whom they were once close start fading away. As one 30-something quipped, if they were in your bridal party, you probably don’t see them anymore.

According to the Times, people begin to realize how much their group of friends has waned only during a major life event, such a birthday, a move, or a divorce.

psychotherapist Dr. Robert Glover, After a divorce in his 40s, realized that his outfit of friends had atrophied to the bone. He says, “….I’d go to salsa lessons. Instead of trying to pick up the women, I’d introduce myself to the men: ‘Hey, let’s go get a drink.’ ”

Like many, Dr. Glover found it harder making friends the second time around? Why is this?

Sociologists point to three necessary conditions for making close friends:

proximity;

repeated, unplanned interactions;

and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other,

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So what to do if you find your circle of friends looking more like a…smaller circle?

First, Spend less time at home, and more time in places where “repeated, unplanned interactions” can occur.

Second, Be forward, but not pushy. Let your KOFs know you’re trying to rebuild your inner circle.

Third, Kill you tv, but not you’re computer. You’ll need it to join some local groups on websites like meetup.com.

What do you think? Is it harder to make friends after college? Let us know with your comments!

With Thriveworks, I’m AJ Centore.