Many hold that the most sacred relationship is between mother and daughter, father and son—parent and child. But that just isn’t always the case. Sure, that girl’s best friend could be her mom: they go everywhere together, they share the same wardrobe, they would never keep a secret from one another. Or yeah, maybe she really is daddy’s little girl. She loves her dad more than anything and has lived her entire life under his safe, loving wing. But that’s just one narrative. There’s also a less fortunate one—one many would very much like to be excluded from (in the famous words of Taylor Swift). These are the stories about kids who were left on a random doorstep. The daughter that was left to pay her way in life at just 13 because her mother couldn’t care less. The children who are abused everyday by the two people that are supposed to love and care for them infinitely—so they’ve heard. While these may just be stories to some of us, it’s reality for a lot of angry, hurt, and confused kids. Kids who consequently have a lot of hate in their heart.
It’s completely normal, and expected really, to despise your parents when they’ve abused or abandoned you. Or even if they’ve never laid a hand on you but held you to unrealistic expectations or forced you to live a life you don’t desire. In instances of the like, it simply makes sense to have negative feelings toward them. It’s okay to feel this way. But say they’re perfect parents: the kind of cookie-cutter parents that are cast in feel-good movies. And despite their dedication to raising you and loving you as their child, you don’t feel that same love for them. Is that normal? This isn’t as common, but that doesn’t mean you’re abnormal. There is most likely a hidden reason behind these negative feelings and the best way to combat them is to get to the bottom of it. The following are possible underlying causes for your seemingly unwarranted hate:
- Desire for independence. You may simply desire or be seeking more independence and your relationship with your parents is consequentially suffering. This typically happens a lot with age. When I moved back home for the summer after my freshman year of college, I expected a greater degree of independence and a lesser degree of rule enforcement from my dad. However, it was as if I returned to my home as a teenager in high school. This definitely caused a rift in my dad and I’s relationship, and had we not respectfully talked about the issue, it could still be suffering today.
- Phase of rebellion. A lot of teenagers go through a period of rebellion and parents never know the best way to handle it—it’s tricky and also troublesome because it can either strengthen or (more often than not) taint the relationship. If parents respond with punishment and scorn, then it can certainly result in the child’s loathing.
- Media exposure. Your relationship can even be affected by the type of TV shows or movies you’re watching. You may see a slightly different or better relationship portrayed on screen and wish that your mom or dad was more like it. This can lead to unrealistic expectations, similarly to watching couple’s act out the perfect love story on screen.
- Differing morals and/or lifestyles. While our parents typically raise us with their ideals as the backbone of our growth, we don’t always take after their belief systems or lifestyles. This can absolutely cause a strain in your relationship if they object to your choices or if your differences are so varying that they create big issues. For example, a family that is devoutly Catholic may have a problem with their son declaring he doesn’t believe in God.
Celebrities: They’re Not So Different After All
Celebrities are like us in more ways than they are not. This includes sometimes maneuvering through life without parents or experiencing something that tore their relationship with them apart. Here are a few well-known celebrities that followed their dreams and reached success without the help of their mom, their dad, or both:
- Adele: While the soulful singer and her father may have recently reconnected, Adele didn’t have a relationship with him for much of her life, as he abandoned her and the rest of her family when she was just two years old.
- Beyonce Knowles: Beyonce Knowles has reportedly never gotten along with her father, nor has her sister or mother. He allegedly has attempted to use both his daughters’ talents to benefit himself.
- Kelly Clarkson: Kelly Clarkson opened up about her damaged relationship with her absentee father during a performance of “Piece by Piece” on American Idol. While Kelly’s saddened by their relationship, or lack thereof, she’s thankful for her husband’s love for the couple’s own daughter.
- Macaulay Culkin: The Home Alone star became estranged from his parents during their divorce when they reportedly argued over Macaulay’s fortune. This greed and hunger for money certainly drove a wedge between him and his family.
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I hate my parents, they literally torture me, like cut me with knives and make me drink my blood. I kinda wanna suicide.
We’re so sorry to read what you’re going through. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, or thinking about hurting yourself or others, please seek immediate help. Call 911, go to your closest emergency room, or call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also visit their website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org. This national network of local crisis centers provides free support, and someone is always available to talk.
You can also find a list of other helpful resources here, such as the Crisis Text Line, National Domestic Violence Hotline, and more. Remember, life can get better with the right help. https://twx.atlantacounseling.com/immediate-help/
i f* hate my parents i really do . i could do anything just to get the f* out of my house . they’re not supporting me for who i want to be . i’m not sad anymore . i’m just angry and mad and hate them so much . there’s no love anymore between me and them . it’s always ” how’s your school today ? ” never ” how’s your day honey ? ” or ” are you okay ? ” , ” do you feeling well ? ” don’t ever tell me that i should appreciate them more just because i still have parents , what’s the point ? i hate them .
I know what u mean, it’s like that for me but worse 🙁
I also hate my mom. She is so annoying. I am 25 and I have a decent job as well. I am unable to move out and live on my own. They expect so much from me. I don’t think that she loves me at all. All she cares about is how much I earn, how good my grades are, how to boast about me with other people. Although she acts like all she cares about is me I know that she does not give a S** about me. She loves to claim credit for bringing me up so well and educating me very well. All she did was pushing me over and over till I break under stress. I was a really good student but that wasn’t because I was smart but because I tried too hard. She tells that I have achieved all the things that I have because of her. She loves walk around telling it to people.
She has never hugged me and asked how am I doing, or given any attention to my feelings. She thinks that I am unkind and unloving. She once told me that I have no empathy and that I am unlovable. It has been so long that she has told me that, but I am reminded of that incident almost everyday, and it makes me think that nobody will actually love me for real and I will not be able to love someone for real.
She always pretend to care by calling but when she calls all she is doing is emphasizing her importance, how her day was, how annoying our relations and neighbors are, how her health is not good. After ranting all she has to tell she asks how was my day. That is like just an expression to her like asking about weather. She is never ready to listen. If by ant chance I start to describe some thing that happened to me or that I did, she cut me in middle to say how something similar happened to her or her neighbor and she keeps going about it. If something like an exam result comes up she is forever ready to express her dissatisfaction in my result even when my results are hardly bad.
Once she found something that had scribbled out of frustration and sadness. It has been a letter I had written in order to console myself, she laughed at my face telling that she read it and she has shown it to my father as well and was ready to send a picture of it to my sister as well. This is how she disregards my feelings and laugh at them. She never regraded or said sorry or understood my feelings when I said I wrote it to myself.
I feel really lonely and sad. I don’t have many friends also. I have few friends but I don’t feel close with any of them and I don’t think they truly care about me either. I feel like cry all the time and to be honest I don’t have a reason to cry but I am damn sad, and feel a want to cry screaming. I don’t have any beautiful hope at all. The only thing that comes to my mind when I think of my future is earn enough to get through life and just live and die.