- Gaslighting can be described as the ultimate form of betrayal, as it is a serious form of manipulation that causes victims to question their reality.
- These perpetrators rely on an imbalance of power that favors their agenda; the victims lack a confidence and are easily influenced.
- Those who experience this betrayal (often in the form of gaslighting) suffer from symptoms afterward that are commonly known as Post Betrayal Syndrome.
- A majority of victims typically experience flashbacks (mental, emotional, and physical), suffer from physical ailments like a lack of energy and loss of sleep, and feel sad, anxious, or angry in the short and long term.
*Dr. Debi Silber, a transformational psychologist, a health, mindset, personal development speaker, coach and author of The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life After a Life Crisis explains gaslighting as the ultimate form of betrayal and delves into what life is like for victims after the betrayal.*
There’s a collection of symptoms so common to betrayal it’s become known as Post Betrayal Syndrome. When it comes to gaslighting, it often goes hand in hand with betrayal because the gaslighter is intentionally weakening the self-esteem and resolve of their victim so that they maintain a sense of control, leaving the victim to question themselves, their decisions and even their sanity. This imbalance of power allows the gaslighter to keep their victim off kilter so they more easily get away with decisions they wouldn’t be able to if their victims were more confident and/or well informed.
Our results from the Post Betrayal Syndrome quiz (found at www.PBTInstitute.com/quiz) found that:
- Over 76% feel a loss of personal power.
- 72% are hypervigilant and on guard to threats and danger.
- Almost 90% experience mental, emotional, physical flashbacks.
- Over 60% suffer from physical ailments—low energy, difficulty falling or staying asleep, extreme fatigue/exhaustion.
- Over 50% suffer from mental ailments- feeling overwhelmed, disbelief unable to focus, shock, foggy headed, and unable to concentrate.
- Over 50% suffer from emotional symptoms- sadness, anger, stressed, feeling hurt, anxiety, rejected, feeling disregarded, feeing taken advantage of, fear, a sense of abandonment, feel as if you got punched in the gut, irritability, and depression.
- 89% say that certain events/people/places trigger the physical, mental, and emotional feelings of the betrayal.
- Over 60% experience low energy, difficulty falling and staying asleep, as well as extreme exhaustion and fatigue.
- The most common physical ailments are low energy, difficulty falling and staying asleep, as well as extreme exhaustion and fatigue.
- Over 50% experience disbelief, shock, feeling overwhelmed disbelief, inability to focus and concentrate, shock and foggy headedness.
- The most common mental ailments are disbelief, shock, feeling overwhelmed disbelief, inability to focus and concentrate, shock and foggy headedness.
- Over 50% experience sadness, anger, stress, hurt feelings, anxiety, rejection, feeling disregarded, feeling taken advantage of, fear, sense of abandonment, feeling as if you got punched in the gut, irritability and depression.
- The most common emotional ailments are sadness, anger, stress, hurt feelings, anxiety, rejection, feeling disregarded, feeling taken advantage of, fear, sense of abandonment, feeling as if you got punched in the gut, irritability and depression.
- 80% are hesitant to trust again.
- 64% prevent themselves from forming deep relationships because they are fearful of being vulnerable and hurt.
- 76% find it hard to move forward.
- 82% want to move forward but don’t know how.
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I’m almost thirty and still to this day I experience gaslighting from my 67 year old father. I am so glad I have found these articles. Simple awareness is probably the greatest defence against the onslaught of constant gaslighting.
Thank you for this. Here is a short story about Alice, a victim of gas-lighting. Alice went to stay briefly with her teacher one day. They were so happy to co-habitate. But things changed quickly, when Alice realized that her teacher, her favorite teacher was none other than a gas-lighter.
Alice was repeatedly reminded that she was loved. When the time came for Alice to leave, there was resistance and tears and guilt smearing — Teach would say, “I love you so much, Alice. Look at how much I’ve cared and loved you. Look at all the delicious meals I’ve made for you. Look at how I allowed you to share my home.” Yes, the teacher really loved Alice. She believed that Alice belonged to her because she made her delicious meals gave her an abundance of love. She would weep and become cold towards Alice when she spoke of leaving. She couldn’t imagine why she would consider leaving when this was her home now. Alice always helped out around the house daily. She did not go out, as teacher lived in a rural community. Alice felt trapped and fearful, since each time she tried to leave, she would be met with tears and anger. Leaving was to be on the terms of the host and not the “guest”. The guest was now “a part of the family,” so leaving was very very bad. Well, obviously, Alice had her own life, but she was not ‘authorized’ to leave because the teacher was her family now. The teacher would care for her and give her anything she desired — Alice, of course, refused anything other than basic meals. But why would Alice want to leave? It will hurt the teacher’s feelings. Alice became more and more fearful. After several failed attempts to convince the host that she needed to leave, she decided to consult outside help of a confidant. Of course, she could have just walked through the door. But she was really afraid. She went out one day and had a conversation with her confidant. How embarrassing it was that, as an adult, she found herself emotionally trapped in someone’s home. Being trapped by emotions is not a novel position for a human being. But what was important? Was feeling guilty important or Alice’s own health and well being? Eventually she pulled up the courage to say that she would leave that day. Surprise. There was no resistance. Well, Alice gathered her things nervously. Little did Alice know, that she was not to leave so easily. Bags all packed, Alice descended to find that she was not leave, but she was, “going on vacation” away from the house. Yes, she was expected to return. Well, to shorten this tale, Alice did leave. She left the walls of the house to face the continued gas-lighting — the evil revenge set upon her by the defeated teacher. Naive Alice was wrapped in the arms of the host in a false “love” that she barely emerged from. It was a burial of emotional dirt, pushing her deeper and deeper into the bust of the gas-lighter, smothering her more and more, until she saw “the light”. The light, the sensibility of knowing when one is not among friends, but pursued by an evil spirit whose aim is to devour you, because you broke the bond of the master-victim. You ruined it all. What would have been so perfect, Alice ruined it and became free. She left the teacher behind, and the teacher was not going to let her get away with that, so the used her gas-lighting weapon until Alice realized what was taking place. Entrapment on the pretense of friendship and love is the oldest form of abuse there is.
great work keep-up