What is Resilience? How can I be more resilient? 11 Tips

Sometimes careers require us to move to different parts of the country—or the globe, for that matter. The move may require getting to know new coworkers, making a different network of friends and taking care of many details, including purchasing a house or renting an apartment, as well as becoming familiar with the surroundings (grocery stores, banks). It can be an overwhelming obstacle for some people. Other people view it as an exciting adventure and look forward with optimism to the change.

A teenager, with all of her heart, wants to be a cheerleader on the competitive high school team. She knows it will take hours of practice and require a great deal of gymnastics, but she’s willing to do everything she can to succeed. She tries out for the team and finds that she wasn’t selected. While she feels sad, she doesn’t give up. She continues to practice on a less competitive county team instead and finds that she’s still able to learn the cheers and participate in competitions—and she can continue to do what she loves.

There are many obstacles in life, from the loss of a loved one and overcoming an illness to not making the cut on a sports team and not getting accepted into the college you really wanted. Big and small, they’re all obstacles, and people with resilience learn how to cope with the difficulties and struggles that life brings.

Richard Davidson, who authored the book “The Emotional Life of Your Brain,” said resilience refers to any life experience that might help people cope with adverse situations in a positive way. He added that people who are more resilient than others tend to be proactive and are more inclined to work hard to prevent certain issues from occurring. It certainly comes in handy when an individual needs to deal with adversity and find a way to move forward.

So, how can you become more resilient? The following are a few suggestions that may help.

• Be flexible. Resilient people expect to find challenges at different times in their lives. They’re able to alter their goals and find ways to help them acclimate to change.
• Learn from experiences. New York City Psychologist Ani Kalayjian advises to focus on the positive lessons you can glean from a negative experience. When there’s a struggle in life, it doesn’t help to focus on who to blame. Asking why things always happen to you—playing the victim–won’t help you get better results. Find out what you can do differently the next time in order to have a more positive outcome.
• Action. What can you do to help your situation? Think about it, and then proceed to do it. Rather than allowing yourself to be crippled by a problem and react negatively, do what resilient people do–work on solutions to their problems.
• Develop your relationships. By staying connected with family members, friends and coworkers, you’ll have a network of people to “lean on” when you’re struggling with a situation. It’s important to be able to accept help from other people, too. It’s much better than isolating yourself from others. Resilient people have a minimum of one or two individuals who can help them when they need support.
• Find ways to get rid of tension. There are plenty of ways to help yourself when stress is beginning to overwhelm you. Writing in a notebook, drawing, practicing meditation or yoga, gardening, walking the dog, taking a jog and talking with a friend or therapist are all ideal ways to relieve tension.
• Find meaning in life. It’s important to find the things that have meaning and value in your life, such as spending time with friends and family, volunteering for a cause you believe in or continuing classes in a subject you are passionate about. This will help give you a feeling of purpose.
• Practice a healthy lifestyle. During stressful times, you’ll be able to manage situations better if you stick to a nutritious diet, exercise regularly and make sure to get adequate sleep. According to Kalayjian, people who stay physically strong tend to be more emotionally resilient.
• Believe and trust in yourself. Take note of your strengths and the things you’ve accomplished in life. They will remind you of how resilient you actually are.
• Humor is important. A sense of humor is a great thing to have when the “going gets tough.” Besides being contagious, laughter helps to ease stress and keep things in perspective.
• Feel grateful. By feeling grateful, it will improve your overall wellbeing and help in dealing with troubles. Robert Emmons, the author of “Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier,” (2008) said people who created a list of five things they felt grateful for over the past week felt better about their lives as a whole and were much more positive about the week ahead than those who recorded hassles from the past week. People who live with a serious health condition also felt that being grateful helped them. In addition, a study of people with a neuromuscular disease said they felt better about their lives and more bonded with other people after they jotted a gratitude list than those who didn’t.
• Emmons said that people who practice being grateful had higher levels of positive emotions; were more alert, alive and awake; experienced more joy and pleasure; and had more optimism and happiness. In addition, they felt less lonely and isolated; more outgoing and forgiving; and more helpful, generous and compassionate. (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good/)
• Stay positive. When you’re optimistic and have a positive outlook on the situation, it will help you to be more resilient. It’s easy to get caught up in a situation or a setback and allow it to overwhelm your thoughts, but the fact is that many of the struggles you’ll encounter in life are only temporary.

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