What if my kid is the bully? Here are 7 tips for concerned parents (Updated)

• Many parents are concerned about their children being subjected to bullying, but we often forget to consider another possibility: that our child is the bully.
• If you’re concerned about this possibility, you can take measures to talk to your child and stop their bullying behavior.
• First, teach your child to treat others the way they want to be treated; if this rule is ingrained in their mind, they’re less likely to treat other kids poorly.
• Also, teach them how to resolve conflicts in a productive manner: show them how they can express how they’re feeling, and if they need a little help understanding how to do so, show them!
• Additionally, help to build your child’s self-esteem by praising them for their successes and shedding light on their strengths.
• Furthermore, explain that bullying isn’t cool, which you can also model in your own day to day actions; and finally, employ help from others if you need it.

We often hear about how we can stop our children from becoming the victims of bullies as well as how we can help our kids when they do become the victims of bullies. However, what if your kid’s not the one getting bullied… but the one doing the bullying? This isn’t discussed as often or as openly. That said, we do have some tips for you if you’re a concerned parent in this very predicament:

1) Teach your children the golden rule.
Oftentimes, these bullies will respect parents and other adults, but they don’t show that same level of respect to their fellow classmates. For this reason, it’s important you teach your children the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. And go on to explain that other children their age deserve their due respect, just as adults do!

2) Teach your child how to resolve conflicts.
If they do get into a tiff with another kid, they need to know how to approach and resolve the conflict. You should teach them that violence is never answer, nor is abusing others in any other shape or form. They should instead use their words to carefully explain their feelings. Additionally, it is a good idea to seek assistance from a trusted adult if they find themselves in a tough situation with another kid.

3) Give your child a big dose of self-esteem.
Many children who bully have low self-esteem. Try helping your child take pride in him or herself by practicing positive affirmations like, “I’m great at soccer!” or “I work really hard on my school work, and that’s awesome!” Help your child recognize their strengths and don’t shy away from shining a light on those strengths.

4) Help your child understand and identify their feelings.
Sometimes, bullies don’t know how to express themselves appropriately with their words. Try showing them a feelings chart. Each day show your child how you feel and have them do the same thing. This will help to familiarize themselves with different emotions and learn to express them properly.

5) Explain that bullying isn’t “cool.”
Your child might be hanging around a group of friends that think it’s cool to bully others. Help your child at an early age choose friends that are genuine. Make it clear that good people don’t bully others. Here is where self-esteem can turn into the courage needed to do the right thing!

6) Be a good role model and don’t be an adult bully.
Parents are the biggest influence on their children, so kids will model their behavior after you. Remember to be patient while in line at the grocery store, cordial to an impolite teacher, and calm when you feel that road rage coming on! Your child notices it all.

7) Get help from others.
If your child has already become the bully, talk to school counselors and utilize other counseling resources. Additionally, you can enroll your child in a program that will help them to communicate appropriately and effectively.

In conclusion, none of us want to see a child bullied. But what we really don’t want to hear is that we are the parent of a bully. Work with teachers, counselors and other parents to prevent this from happening. Remember… for every kid that is being bullied, there is a bully!

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