you have it the nail on the head however at 59 I have a great deal of problems making new friends I know I am an odd duck . I have never been married and I start conversations every where without much success. I need a plan . I feel like there are no single men who want to continue the conversation past the initial comment.

Amy
I feel a little awkward responding to your post, since I’m in the same lake, but not exactly the same boat, lol.
Have you thought to start your own group to “meet up”? Perhaps you sew or bike or hike or even walk for fitness? You could advertise under Craigslist community page under lessons or volunteer tabs. Just be safe, I never give my email, phone or address and only meet in busy public places.
Is there a community college you could attend classes or maybe volunteer with local nursing homes and/or food kitchens? I hope you’ve found or will find an outlet to meet people.
Good luck to you

David,
I feel like your last paragraph described my thoughts almost every day for the last 3 years. I’ve come close many times to ask my kids for their permission to go. But I lost my little brother to suicide 7 years ago and I know that’s not a pain I could put on them purposely.
David I truly hope wherever you are in life now a year later, it’s a better place. My heart goes out to you.
Good luck

Jeremy, i read your comment. Thank you.

Dear David,

It is very brave of you to express yourself so honestly and openly. I admire you and truly sympathize with you, partly because I experience much the same myself. I don’t have the house and the things: I am on a very low income; but I do have everything else.

I have often thought lately that it would be a relief not to be conscious any more. Of course, it wouldn’t actually be a relief if everything else ended when the pain did: I can’t feel relieved if I’m not there to feel.

I used to have a strong religious faith, but now it is in crisis. I thought for a little bit that once my faith was well and truly dead I could find happiness with the man of my dreams; but my faith isn’t completely gone, and the man who was supposed to replace God hasn’t materialized …

I am so isolated, so depressed, so anxious and so self-doubting that it is just not possible at this time for me to go out to a bar or other social venue by myself: and I don’t have any friends who could help me, nobody with whom I can really be myself.

I know that part of my problem is that I have not come to terms with my sexuality. Family and religion have much to do with that. I have decided to try counseling (not reparative therapy or anything!) and some discussion groups. Maybe I will find a friend.

I wonder if you will ever read this reply to your comment. I wish you, and any reader, all the best.

Your words echoed many of the thoughts that are constantly running through my mind, as I lay here on my bed paralyzed by isolation and major depression.

I am that person you described that lives in the big house, runs my own company and has everything I thought I ever wanted. I buy expensive things because I feel they bring me happiness, they do, but it is short lived, all the while I’m still alone and filled with depression and sadness. When that short rush of happiness ends, I go out and do it all over again.

I thought I was creating a home in which I could be forever happy, I’d meet the man of my dreams and we would live an amazing life here together. “Build it and they will come” was my plan, but I’m now afraid to reach out to anyone because they will see the real me; a man that really doesn’t love himself, a man that has lost his inner light, his laughter and his desire to actually live. Why would anyone want me in their life, no matter how succesful I may be? I sure wouldn’t want to date someone like me. So, laying here isolated and depressed on my bed, I actually feel safe, my secret is hidden and I don’t have to pretend to still be the happy man everyone once knew. I can take off the mask others see when I’m in public, placing it next to my bed, ready for the next time I have to venture out.

From childhood well into my 30’s, I was an outgoing, cheerful, and loving guy that loved to be of help to others, my parents called me “the friend of the friendless”. I was the kid that kept the bullies away from other kids that were seen to them as weak or different; I was proud to have them as my friends. I was always on the go, meeting new people, enjoying all that life had to offer. Fast forward to today, I have one friend remaining from all the others from which I have slowly drifted away. I never said goodbye, just slipped into my life of isolation. I push myself to make it to my office during the week, though my staff sees me as an outgoing, respectful and succesful man, it is just the mask I wear. Inside I am yearning to be at home, safe in my bed where I can shut the world out.

I see a psychiatrist every Friday, he sees my mask too. The medications I take for depression have never really worked, or maybe they do and this is an improved version of the worst I could be?

I am blessed with a loving family that reaches out to me all the time, they try so very hard to break through and have me become part of this world again, I don’t have the energy nor the desire; though there is nobody on this earth that I love more than my parents and my sister. It tears me apart knowing the constant fear that they carry, knowing that their son may choose to end his life at any moment. I truly believe the only thing that keeps me here on this earth is not wanting to hurt my parents, I know they would somehow feel responsible; nothing could be further from the truth. I just want to fall asleep in my bed, slipping away from this world peacefully; with my family knowing this was what I had do and for them to be at peace knowing that I am too.

I lay here while listening to the world outside pass me by, I can hear the firework show at Disneyland in the distance, it is “the happiest place on earth” just not the earth I’m on.

Thank you – this has been enlightening. I miss sharing my life, the ability to drop in on a friend or vice versa, sharing the joys and hardship of my life with my friends and family. I have gradually become my mothers main caregiver in the last 2 years over 4 years spending more time away (in another country) from my nuclear family and friends. Expensive – airfares. Visit every 2nd month for a wk then 2nd yr- every mth for almost 2 wks. Now spending a month or more then back for a week to 2. Your article has really answered my growing feelings of loneliness and isolation when Im here with my mum. I have left my support relationships of friends and family to look after my elderly mother of 85years in her home without carefully thinking of the effects or loss it would have on me and my life.

Hahahaha! I’m glad you noticed that before my fiance, who loves the Cosby show and would never let me live that down 😉